Was it worth it... Hell yes!

 Greetings,

It's been a while, I know. I have been busy writing for my Patreon page which has been keeping me occupied on the writing front. Not much there on FM to tell you the truth. Mostly stuff about fencing and social stuff, though there are some interesting things about disability considerations, and more coming no doubt. I tend to write what I am interested about. Enough of my waffle, let's get to the point...

Story:
Late May, I went to the Bundaberg Show for four days to help some friends with a demonstration of Renaissance fencing, which if you haven't read my blog before, is the thing that keeps me going. I write, and I fence, this is my life. So this experience resulted in me fencing twice a day, for about half an hour against two friends. Camping on a camp-bed. Oh, yeah, and travelling 5 hours by train to get to the place in the first place.

The weekend after this there was an event I went to, for another four days. More fencing all of the days, well most of them, but I am getting to that. Sleeping on a bunk that was too short for me, and travelling to and from by public transport again, as I am medically-disqualified from driving due to my FM. 

The result:
Fibro-flare. I ended up with my arm in a sling for one of the days of the second event, and not fencing. Oh yeah, and a week's recovery, which I am just coming to the end of as I am speaking. Not to mention desperately needing to go and see my physio.

Things I know:

1. Next year the same two events will happen again.
2. Next year I will likely go to the two same events again, and do it all over again.
3. Next year I will likely have the same result unless my FM is gone (yeah, right), or I am much fitter (maybe).

Conclusion:

Some would say I haven't learnt a thing from my experience because I am willing to do it again. Some would say I should learn to look after myself better. Some would say I shouldn't push myself so hard. I say they are "Nay-sayers."

The only question I have to ask is: Was it worth it? If the title of this article doesn't give you the answer, let me repeat that, "Hell yes!" I had one hell of a lot of fun fencing with my friends at the Bundaberg Show and spending evenings with them chatting. I had a lot of fun fencing with old friends and making new ones at the event that followed the weekend after. 

Momento mori - you will die. Yes, so go out and live while you have the chance. Take life by both hands and squeeze every drop of life out of it; be in every moment. Marcus Aurelius said, "Live every day like it was your last." 

Cheers,

Henry.

... and Now for the Good News

Greetings,

The last couple of months have been quite interesting for me in many different ways. I have had some medical appointments which have had some surprisingly positive results, and some changes in my life which were necessary. So I figured that I needed to bring you all up to speed on what's going on.

Medical

On the fibromyalgia (FM) front, not much has changed, but there are no surprises there. I have my good days and I have my not so good days. I have found real pleasure in the good days, and have found things to do during the not so good days which have made them "not so good" rather than bad. I have finally started listening to my body, and doing what it needs... for the most part. I still push things a little hard, but that is just in my nature.

I saw my respiratory specialist earlier in the year and my results came back so positive that she does not want to see me for 12 months. It seems that I aced my breathing tests. I am putting this down to the retreat of my sarcoidosis and also my somewhat increased activity levels in the preceding months. Nothing like forcing your body to do things to make your body work and adapt. The bushfires of late have not helped things, nor did my short stint with a chest infection, but they are merely lumps in the road in comparison.

I went and saw my hepatologist as well, my liver function tests have been "off" for ages, mostly due to sarcoidosis in my liver, but also due to some of my medications. So off for a liver biopsy I went. This was an uncomfortable experience I can tell you, but necessary. It made my FM flare up for about a month afterward, but turned out to be worth it in the end. The results came back... no sarcoidosis present in the liver. I am now on a "maintenance" dose of methotrexate to keep things going, and to prevent the sarcoidosis from returning. The hepatologist is also my gastroenterologist. I have been having a little issue with my bowels... off for another test. Still waiting for that one, not a huge thing, just another annoyance.

Today I saw my endocrinologist for the results of my Body Mass Density (BMD) scan to see how my osteoporosis is going, and also to check on my cortisol levels. Well, the cortisol levels are still on the low side so I will be off to see him again in six months, no change there. On the other hand, I can pretty much write off osteoporosis as a current diagnosis, my bones are in full recovery. A very positive result there.

Life Stuff

On the 19th - 20th October I participated in the Brisbane 2019 Relay for Life for the Cancer Council of Queensland which is designed to raise money and awareness about cancer. Most of the teams walked or jogged around a school oval for 17 hours. My team, Brisbane HEMA Teams Unite fenced for the full amount of time. It was a really fulfilling experience. The event raised over $62,000 which will go to cancer research and assisting cancer patients. This was a real test for my FM having to stay up all night and also participating in the activities, but I made it all the way to the end.

About six years ago I started the School of Historical Defense Arts (SHDA) and it has been going along ever since. There had been some administrative issues within the SHDA which were beginning to affect my mental health so I removed myself from administrative matters earlier on in the year, so I could focus on training the students and elements of the curriculum. These are the things that I am good at and have had the most experience with. Things had not improved, and I noted other areas I was uncomfortable with, so as of month ago I retired from the SHDA as Head of School. I have since been performing individual training. This was not an easy decision but one that I had to make for my own mental health.

In June I was elevated in the Society for Creative Anachronisms (SCA) to the Order of the Laurel for fencing research and interpretation. When I was asked, it was a bit of a shock to me. This is the highest award in the SCA for Arts and Sciences. The elevation ceremony went well. I have found that if you find something that you are passionate about and you just do it for the love of it, things will work out well for you. I truly never was interested in awards, I was always interested in the things which I was passionate about, and that others were to. Seek what you love and do it because you love it, and for no other reason.

It has been an interesting time of the past six months or so. I have been writing still, my blogs, and also various projects. I am coming to the end of one so I will have another book published next year sometime. Hopefully, there may even be a second book self-published, which I have been working on for the past couple of years. Things have been busy, the year has gone like a whirlwind, there have been a lot of positives and some negatives along the way. I think that is about it... I have probably forgotten something, but that will do for now.

Cheers,

Henry.

Been a Long Time...

Greetings,

I do apologise that it has been so long since I have written anything on this blog. I had not forgotten about it, it is more that I really had not much to say about what's been going on and really nothing to say pertinent about fibromyalgia (FM). Today, I have found things to talk about, so this entry may be a little long to catch up on the past year and five months.

What's Been Happening

Well, as usual, I have been plodding along at my usual pace. I am still fencing, and training regularly. My fencing school is going from strength to strength. I now have two subsidiary schools, one that focuses on Italian longsword and, sword and buckler; the other focuses on Iberian swordsmanship. We now have a membership total of about 60 members total, which still blows me away. Fencing is still my main form of exercise, but as will be noted later on I have added to this.

I have finally gotten in to do something about my degrading knees. I have an appointment to have an arthroscopy done on my left knee, and a referral to get the right knee done hopefully at the same time. This means that I am going to be off my feet for a period of time, but it beats having one done, and wrecking the other, and then vice versa, a vicious cycle. If I get both done at once even weight on both legs. There will be some trying times ahead but I look forward to better health at the end.

My neck has been giving me no end of grief, we have tried physiotherapy on it, and now I am on a waiting list to see an neurosurgeon to see if he can do something about it. There are vertebrae out of place and pressing on nerves, all ugly stuff, and not playing nice with the FM I can tell you. I look forward to getting that all fixed.

Recently... 

Mid-last year I started getting on my treadmill to do some walking at home. I started slow and for a relatively short period of time. This was for some basic cardio-fitness work. I have been gradually increasing the amount of time I have been going for and now I am walking for 30 minutes. I have also been gradually increasing the speed as well and have gotten up to 5.9kph (3.7mph). I have found the best thing for this to keep you going is that it need to be regular and at a time where you know that you can do it. I put my headphones in with music playing to keep me going. I have also found that it is useful to have a goal as well. My goal is to achieve the "legionary step" which is 6.44kph (4mph), but also to maintain this speed for an extended period of time. It is the historian in me that picked the speed. Goals are really important for motivation, and they need to be personal.

There have been some hiccups with my training needless to say, and there are days where I just can't do the walking, but it is important to recognise these too. The important thing is that you also need to recognise the difference between the "physically can't" and the "I'm just being slack, can't". This is the reason why it is important to have goals and motivation to do your exercise. Of course the goals need to be reasonable. I am not aiming to run a marathon, in fact I am not going to be jogging or running at all. Walking is reasonable for me so that is what I am sticking to.

Very recently thanks to a new friend Andrew, I have been going to the local hydrotherapy pool to do some exercises, and work on my joints to ease some of the FM. It is going to be a long-term project, but the results will speak for themselves. I am hoping that I will be able to get my wife to join me later on as I think it would help her too. Merely being in the heated water and being able to relax all of the joints has been an absolute blessing, even if it has been meaning getting up really early in the morning. If you get the chance to go to a hydrotherapy pool, just DO IT. You will not regret it, especially in the cooler months.

Some Notes

Just to polish this entry off I am going to give you some notes and things to think about. These are things that I try to think about all of the time, and especially when I am considering my FM. More so when I am reading about it, or discussing it with others.

1. Don't let people tell you that you can't until you have tried.

2. You don't know what you can do until you have tried.

3. Do things that make you feel good (and don't impinge on others feeling good).

4. Listen more than you talk.

5. All information is useful to a point.

I thought about giving explanations for each one of these, but I think, for the most part, they do not need explanation. If you have any queries about what I mean with regard to these notes, please feel free to ask in the comments below and I will explain what I mean. Fibromyalgia can be a debilitating condition, but only if we allow it to be, we need to stand up and not let it take control. You have the power to do this.

Cheers,

Henry.

If this is your first time reading this blog, I recommend that you go back to the beginning and read my introduction so that you may understand what I am going on about, just follow this link to my first post: https://alifewithfibromyalgia.blogspot.com.au/2009/11/introduction.html

Where has "The Dream" Gone?

Greetings,

Of late I have had a lot of time to think. I have been a member, paid and unpaid, of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) now since 1992. This means I have been interacting with various parts of this organisation for some time. I have seen some of the great parts about it, and I have also seen some of the not so great parts about it. Problem at the moment is the latter seems to be overshadowing the former of late, and I am losing my faith in the SCA and seriously asking myself whether or not it is time to move on.

This is a post which has been sitting around waiting to be written for a long time, though it was a symptom of a year of some severe loses and resulting impacts on my life. The more I think about it, I think that these elements have only served to highlight what my usually positive attitude has been hiding for a long time. As I have stated I am a long-standing member of the SCA, I have participated in all three forms of combat in some part, and excelled in rapier combat. I have accrued various titles as a result of my interactions with others and also dedication to what I had chosen to do. I am not going to go into any detail here as I do not think that there is any point, this is mere background.

For me at the moment, the fantasy is gone. Titles and awards to me have begun to mean nothing to me so I strive only to do those things which are of interest to me, or which will assist those friends which I have within various groups. This has resulted in a loss of excitement. I used to get excited about the next event I would be going to and would go out of my way to go to as many as I could. Now I only attend those which I really feel like going to or those which I have been asked to attend.

During my time in the SCA I have gained quite a bit of skill in the art of rapier combat, as a result I have won quite a few tournaments in my time. I used to be really enthusiastic about the prospect of a tournament and the chance to show off my skill and come out on top, now not so much. These victories do not hold the enticement they once had.

The Society itself has changed, within the groups it can be seen that the high ideals that used to be expressed by its members in word and deed both on and off the field seem to be diminished. The importance of Courtesy and Chivalry both on and off the field of battle seems to have been lost somewhere in the importance of titles and making a good impression on those with supposed power within the groups. Politics is invading all parts of the Society, there is nowhere to hide. I have had some friends who have been lost and others who have reduced their contact due to politics, and indeed problems can result by the mere association with people of the "wrong" character. The determination being up to another group of people. The result of this is that the openness of groups that I once experienced seems to have disappeared and now it is difficult to find common ground with many people, even though we are all playing the same game.

The Society, at least in Australia, has become a victim of its own success and circumstances. As research in subjects and knowledge has grown, so too has the expectation of the performance and dress of its members. It would seem that gone are the days where a person would be accepted turning up in a t-tunic and jeans, just as much as the person who researches every element of their attire. Research expectations have also grown, if every element is not researched, it can almost be expected that someone will criticise the work which has been done, or not done as the case may be. In this there is no encouragement and direction for further research mere criticism of the work which has been done. What is the most concerning about these standards is that such standards are even put upon newcomers and this quite frequently scares them away, the leeway of time to get established is gone, the expectations have replaced it.

Conservatism has invaded the groups in action and in the dress of individuals. These outside aspects, more appropriate to a Victorian recreation group have found themselves present in this medieval and Renaissance group. Along with this has gone the sense of humour and sense of fun. Many of the individuals take things much too seriously and have forgotten the humorous and cheeky elements which were always present in the past.

So with all of these elements present the question which has to be put is; is it time to move on? The question that follows is where to? HEMA? I have already referred to my new School the School of Historical Defense Arts (SHDA) as my "retirement" plan. It covers all of the elements of research and combat which I enjoy without the other elements which I so dislike. Or should I keep fighting and hope that things improve? There are still people in the SCA with whom I am still good friends, and events which I attend which I do still enjoy.

I think at this stage that a partial movement away, while maintaining some contact is the best way at the moment. I will stay involved with the SCA and attend those events which I choose to, and be with those people who I like to be with and see how it goes. I hope that sometime in the future the SCA gains some of what it has lost and that my faith is restored, as I believe it would be a sorry day for me to move completely away and leave all of those people who I still call true friends behind.

Cheers,

Henry.

Winter is Here... Not Happy.

Greetings,

For the first time, I think, I am actually going to write one of these blog posts while in the middle (I hope) of a fibromyalgia flare. Hopefully there will be some useful information in amongst the ranting and raving.

So this one started yesterday with some leg cramps and neck pain. I was decidedly uncomfortable so I spent the day in front of the laptop writing in order to get my mind of things. Had to miss fencing practice because I could not get there and be useful due to the issues. Actually had to go and have a lay down at one stage due to the pain and pure tiredness getting to me.

Second day... Did not sleep well last night, in fact probably would not have at all if it was not for the medications that I am on. The neck woke up all messed up, neck pain from muscle and bone, not to mention radiating down into the shoulders. The temperature was also not helping at all as it has been quite cold the past couple of days. Got a little bit of writing done and then managed to summon the energy and motivation to leave the house, had to "pay day" and all. Off to town with my lovely wife.

In town, got the money, cramped ride on the bus did not help the already irritated knee. All pretty good until I decided to go down a set of stairs, at which point in time I was reminded why I do not have a license. First flight to landing all good. At the landing there was a stumble and an attempted fall down the rest of the stairs. Luckily my wife noticed the stumble and grabbed me resulting in a fall backward instead of forward. Resulting damage: Minimal, bruised ego, knees a little sorer than before. Had a lovely lunch at my favourite sushi restaurant in Brisbane, minus the opinionated little cow who was sitting next to us.

The nerves are simply just not playing ball. Looks like I am going to have to be extra careful at fencing training tonight. I am determined to go and FM be damned if it is going to stop me from going it is what keeps me going and even if I have to grunt and grumble my way through, I am going. The wife is a little concerned about my fall, so I will take things a little easy tonight. Mostly teaching anyway. Hopefully things will improve tomorrow and I will not be back on here adding another post with the continuing saga.

Cheers,

Henry

Knees... Why do you not like me?

Greetings,

So, I figured this one was worth the blog, especially because it has some relevance to the overall picture here. Once again, I am going to be writing off the top of my head and not editing it. I have begun to find this most useful, even if the thoughts do get a little jumbled and I do end up a bit off track. I will, however, try and make at least a decent amount of sense.

When I was 15, I was diagnosed with "patela melanasia", also known as "rough knee-caps" undoubtedly a result of over-use and doing too much. Yes, this sort of thing started at least that early if not much earlier in my life. So, the knees have always been a little irritated at times. Now we fast-forward to today....

Still doing too much, add fibromyalgia, a bit of age and you have a pair of knees which are not really happy with me at all. My biggest symptom from fibromyalgia that I get is joint issues. I have joints, they ache or are just plain painful, usually for no good reason whatsoever. For the most part I deal with this myself with exercise and bits of rest here and there, however this is different. So I have taken myself along to my doctor to ask him what I am going to do with myself, etc. So referrals off to the hospital, on waiting lists, blah, blah, blah. I have no idea what the hospital is going to say or do, especially considering I was referred to both Physiotherapy and the Orthaepedic surgeons.

So here I wait. I figure that in the mean time I can keep the doctor up to date with what is going on (situation normal), and see how I can deal with things myself. This is something that I will be discussing with the doctor. What does this all mean? My mobility has reduced quite a bit. I am having more pain in my knees that before. However, I am not quitting fencing, I will find a way around this and lots of other stuff, even if I have to ask for.... help. Something I hate doing. Luckily I get picked up for my school training, now all I have to do is figure out the rest of it. Figure I am going to end up cane shopping a little earlier than I expected.

So, with winter coming on down here in Australia in the next couple of months I can see things getting a little "interesting". I will keep going, I will keep doing stuff, I have no intentions of hiding myself away, though I do think I will have to figure out this "rest" thing, a bit at least. Anyway, I may get around to keeping people up to date with this one, but I do not guarantee a thing.

Cheers,

Henry.

Clumsiness

Greetings,

People with fibromyalgia will relate to this one instantly... "You reach over to take something, grab it successfully and then, in the process knock something over on the way back." Next think you know someone is accusing you of being clumsy, and admittedly the failure here could be related to this. One thing I have noticed however is that this is not improved by FM.

The post which follows is a little personal as it relates to something which plagued me while I was a child and has only gotten worse thanks to the fibromyalgia. I am talking about being clumsy, about attempting something and then for some inexplicable reason your hands or whatever do not do what they are supposed to do and a mess is made. Sure everyone has their days where things are not going right, but for some of us it is systemic.

As a child my hand-eye coordination was horrible, so much so that I was sent to a physical therapist in order to improve this situation. It helped, but I can tell you that it had only been through lots and lots of work repeating actions and being very careful about things that it has improved. This is one of those times where playing console and other games really has helped me. Well, just as things were looking up FM, arrived to haunt my days.

Now I have days where I feel like I am back in the body of that clumsy little child. Things go wrong, I knock things over, I make a mess at times where something seems simple. Sometimes for me it is an achievement to get through a day without me knocking something over or spilling something or something similar. On these days I have to be especially careful. I suspect that this has something to do with neurons not firing or something or other all I know is that it is bloody annoying and really frustrating.

So, some of my regular readers are going to ask me, "But you fence, how can you achieve this with such an issue?" Practice, practice, practice. Oh, yeah, and some days where stuff just goes wrong and I get hit lots. Learning new skills for me takes a long time, and a lot of going over the same thing again, and again, and again. Needless to say with the time that I have had fencing, I have had a lot of time to do this.

So, I have two points to make with regard to this:

1) If you have FM you may not actually be as clumsy as you think you are, you may just be having one of those days where the "brain fog" travels in to a more physical situation. We have issues with nerves and so forth don't be too surprised if it is this rather than you just being clumsy.

2) For those who do not have FM. Stop. Think. Is this person just having a bad day? Is there an issue which you cannot see which may be going on? Please try not to point out the clumsy bits and incidences and make too much of a deal about them, they are probably having a hard enough time on their own, and are probably more frustrated than you are.

In my own case, I know that things are going to take work. I know that I will have days where things are going to be annoying as hell. So I figure that I will do as I usually do, work through it. Work on it, and try not to beat up on myself too much when stuff happens.

Cheers,

Henry.

Onward and Upward...

Greetings,

It has been a while since I wrote anything here and the last was a little bit "doom and gloom" for my liking so I will be aiming at changing the tempo a little and lifting the things up a bit. So, there will be some updates with the way things are going, as per usual, and then I will just have to see what I end up with writing towards the end, so good luck to both of us.

News: I have specialists, most of whom do not want to see me until next year. Awesome. Renal specialist wants to keep an eye on things but is for the most part happy with the way things are going. Respiratory specialist is happy with the way things are going so does not want to see me until next year. Endocrine/Bone specialist does not want to see me for at least two years. Hepatology specialist gets seen in a couple of days time and I do not think that there will be much new news there. So the methotrexate is getting increased to combat the sarcoid in my liver... not really that much difference to tell you the truth.

As for the lower abdominal pain, it seems to be on the retreat for the most part. There was some free fluid floating around there, or so the CT Scan said, but it seems to be settling itself out. Sure, bits of pain here and there still, but hell, it is only pain and I am pretty used to that. I am thinking that at the current rate that one should be off my list in a couple of weeks. I will be taking the CT to show the Hepatology people just to keep them informed and see if they have any ideas, I am not expecting much really.

Other news: I have my first official training day for my new fencing school this weekend. As of this weekend it really is a reality. This is one of those life-long dream things happening finally for me. It is just the first step on a much longer path and I am really looking forward to it I can tell you. The big part of this will really get going early next year. I have mentioned this school previously in other posts so I will not go on with it much.... alright just a bit.

Ever since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia I have been looking for a job or something similar which would fit the random schedule which the FM tends to deal me. I figured it had to be something that I loved, but also something which could be managed around myself and my issues. "Normal" jobs just did not seem to fit the bill as it was always someone else's timetable, rather than one modified to my needs. I love my fencing, as anyone who knows me will tell you, addicted would be putting it mildly. So I figured if I could combine the "owner-operator" and "love of fencing thing" then I would be set. Looks like things are headed well in the right direction I can tell you.

I figure that the first thing a person with FM needs is something to get them out of bed in the morning. This has to be something which you love and just cannot think of a better thing to be doing. For me it is my fencing, or researching fencing, or doing something with regard to fencing. Go out and find what that thing is for you. It does not matter how small it is, or even what it is, if it gets you out of bed and makes you feel good that is a path to a better life.

Other people try and motivate us, unfortunately because they are not us they can not understand what is going on with us. It does not matter how close the person is, or even if they have the same condition, it is a personal thing. We can do our best to explain what is going on but something will always get lost in translation. So, the best place for the motivation to come from is within you. This is really the same for everyone, chronic illness or not, self-motivation is much stronger than any motivation an external source can provide. Find something that will motivate you from within and you will be surprised what you can achieve.

In my case my love of fencing motivates me and does a lot for my pain levels. I do not feel as uncomfortable, even on my worst days, when I am doing something with regard to my chosen passion. The focus required for what I do takes away from the focus on the pain, and as a result improves how I feel. Sure there are days where all I can do is research and read about it, but those are days in which I store up knowledge for the days when I can pick up my sword and do it. There are even days when I am lethargic about going to training or a tournament, once I put my armour on and pick up my sword and get going, those lethargic thoughts seem to blend away. Sure on a rough day I do not move as smoothly as I would like, and I sure pay for it afterward, but the hours with a sword in my hand are more than enough reward for me.

Find your passion, find your motivation, and go onward and upward. You may be surprised where you find yourself in the future and what you can achieve when you apply all of yourself to it. All you have to do is start.

Cheers,

Henry.

SHDA or Dreams Continued....

Greetings,

In my last post I mentioned something of a fencing school that I was creating. This has been a long process and one that I have talked and talked about rather than actually doing anything about. Well, the doing is now happening in a big way. I figured I should give a little more detail.

First of all, keeping with the FM focus of the blog, the idea of the school was to create myself a job which was suited to my condition. The advantage of this is that the only boss I have to worry about is myself, and my wife if things go really silly. Fencing in various forms has kept me moving for many years and now forms a major part of my motivation. This project allows me to do something which I love, something which is good for me, and just maybe turn it into something I *might* make some money off (I am starting this off as a non-profit organisation so money is a future thing). I figure that the best thing for a person to do is to find something that they love and see if they can make something of that.

The School of Historical Defence Arts (SHDA) is a martial arts school focusing on the application of Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) for the purposes of practical application in the gaining of efficiency in combat. This is not merely following the instructions found in the manuals as the plays depict but applying this to more practical situations against some sort of antagonist.

The school, as part of the process of learning and understanding the manuals, undertakes in-depth investigations of period manuals taking into account not only their martial applications but also those aspects of courtesy which are appropriate to the period and situation. This investigation focused on the practical application of the information found in the manuals to combative situations, but taking into account those other aspects significant to the study and also to the martial art. While the manuals will primarily be the focus of the teachers, students will be encouraged to have some interest in the manuals and involve themselves in similar study.

Well, that was a cheat. The above two paragraphs are taken straight from our information sheet. However it does describe pretty well the intention of the school and what I want to do with it. You will notice that this is focused at historical fencing rather than sport fencing. Big difference here I am telling you. The biggest difference being that one is sport and the other is martial art. The Facebook page is here: http://www.facebook.com/SchoolofHistoricalDefenseArts. The school is based in Brisbane, Australia, however I am fully willing to feed any interest in it. I can be contacted by e-mail about the school at shdacontact@gmail.com.

Cheers,

Henry.

Some Dreams Do Come True, But...

Greetings,

There are things that we all want out of life. There are things that we dream about and wish that we could have. There are some things which we cannot have and there are some which we can have. The question with regard to all of them is what are you willing to pay to get there? This entry describes something which has happened recently, which I will get to, and I will tell how I got there. However, it also will be used to see what you can do with some effort.

For many years, ever since I managed to get some experience and some students of my own, I have dreamed about running my own fencing school. This is a dream which I knew was one which was always on the outer limits of what would be possible due to many different factors. But it is one which I have thought about and talked about much. Indeed my immediate family has heard me talk about this dream a lot, and so have some of my students. I knew that this was on the outer limits due to many different factors and this is one of the reasons why it took me so long to do anything real about it.

Sure I had plans for schools many years ago, much of the documentation has been rolled into other endeavours of a similar nature, but much less long-lasting. The reason for this is because these smaller endeavours were easy and never really required much more of me than what I was doing already. So within the SCA, I have had some schools which have grown and developed. Some of these collapsed because they were too big to survive as they were, but achieved their goals. Some collapsed due to internal frictions and misunderstandings of what was required. However, as I have said these were small projects in essence. They did, however lay the foundations for what would happen later on.

If you have a dream that you want to come true, regardless of what it is, you need to put some effort into it in one way or another. Even the dream of winning millions the lotto requires you to buy at least one ticket to be in the draw. You have to be in it to win it, as has been said many times. Of course it also means that there is the chance that it will not work out, so there is the chance of failure. It is this which keeps many away, and I think what prevented me from going outside and doing what the school needed to be "real". Treat your failures as learning experiences and you will find that you can continue. This is what the failure of previous schools has taught me, and it is information that I will use.

Effort on its own will get you places, but it may not be where you want to go. You need a goal, a direction, and a plan. The goal is the end-point, the direction gives focus to your effort, and your plan guides this direction, each one is important. For some, they need to put these down on paper, for others they only need them in their heads. What I can tell you is that while the essential goal will remain the same plans will change. Plans usually change on the information given by failures or intelligences to lead you away from failures.

In my case the goal was the school, which I had for ages. The direction, well I had some to choose from, and the plan, well that was rather flexible due to the options available. In my case, what I needed was a couple of like-minded friends to really get the ball rolling and push me along a bit. They both know who they are, and they have my greatest thanks.

The school was designed to explore elements of western martial arts which were not available to practice under the current regime of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA). Now, some explanation. I will remain a member of the SCA as I have friends in that organisation and I still have things to give the organisation, however this school allows me to practice other things and investigate more. Also there are some out there who like the idea of some of the practices within the SCA, specifically the Guild of Defence, who are not interested in adopting personas or putting on period attire. Thus this is for them also as some of the structure and many of the teaching practices are the same as the Guild. This is the goal, in essence.

The direction was chosen much for me due to very external factors, primarily finances. The school will at least start as a non-profit organisation due to the current financial climate and available financial resources, however should the situation present itself, the school can and will move to a business platform, but this is for the future. So direction in this part was chosen, it was for similar reasons that the plan was modified.

The result, well let me just say that I have the final planning elements and collection of students and moneys to be made, but my dream has come true. Due to the approval given for insurance through the Australasian Living History Federation, I will be running my own school for western martial arts. So I can honestly say, that dreams do come true. Where I go from here, well it is one of those things that only the future can tell.

Cheers,

Henry.  

Doing Nothing

Greetings,

Why is it that as soon as you tell people you are on a Disability Pension, they assume that you sit around doing nothing for the day? Or they start asking questions why and start judging you? In response the first for my particular case, I will present the following post. For the second, I will simply state that several medical professionals and government officials agreed that it would be pointless for me to find work and that it was appropriate that I be placed on the pension. Unless you know my medical history and also have the requisite training of both sets of professionals, you can keep your opinions to yourself (apologies for the small rant). Now on to the important stuff.

Assumptions

In my particular case I do not sit in front of the television or computer playing games or watching videos all day. I feel I have more important things to do with my life. Sure there are days when I do these activities but there is a reason for this and it is the reason that I am on a Disability Pension. However, aside from the things that we all have to do each day, I do keep myself rather occupied. How?

Blogs

Including this one I have two other blogs which I work on in order to facilitate the spread of information on various subjects. Aside from this one which is my more personal one and has a general focus on fibromyalgia and what I do to deal with this particular condition, there are two others.

One is focused on the exploration of the English language, or to be more precise Elizabethan English it can be found here: http://oldewordes.blogspot.com.au/ This is not required research nor was it required in any other way I decided that it was a subject that I was interested in, so I started to research it. I started this particular investigation in to the language so that at some point in time I would be able to better understand it and even possibly, produce it. How did I become interested in it? Well, that leads on to my third and most popular blog.

The other blog, and my most popular one having: 19,000+ hits, 78 posts and 22 followers who have registered, is about fencing. It is also the blog which I have been writing the longest. It is about fencing, as in swordplay, not methods of keeping properties marked. For the most part I focus on general topics and issues with regard to the subject, but it does tend to reveal my greatest joy which is the research and participation in Western Martial Arts. This reveals something else that I do in order to improve myself, and maintain fitness.

Fencing

So, hopefully I will not have to explain what sort of fencing that I am talking about here as I already have above. If not, go back and read it as I am not explaining it again. Anyway, fencing was something I got into before I was diagnosed and before I started having all of my medical issues which have led me to be on the the Disability Support Pension. I started with foil during my first sojourn to university life and decided that I liked it... a lot.

When I found out that the medieval and recreation group, the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) did a form of fencing which was historically based, well I was set. I got to combine a physical activity which I was doing in with research into the history of it. Fencing nut plus history nut, throw that in and I did not look back. For the most part at the beginning I was doing it all for myself, this was to change.

Best way to find people to play with is to train them yourself, so I started training people. I was learning new techniques from manuals and all sorts of sources along the way as well. What can I say, but about 15 years later I suspect that I have had in excess of 30, possibly even more, students. There are still more. In fact much of my time is actually spent researching things to teach them so that they improve. Thus along with the blogs, you throw in two or three nights a week of training, and my "wasteful time" gets smaller and smaller I can tell you.

Research 

Research is something I do, and I do to keep my wits about me and so I can keep learning things. Best way to stop a brain from stagnating is to research, and this is something that I do. Sure I have mentioned my blogs and the research which is involved with them, and sure, they do take up the highest percentage of what I research, but there are always other subjects which will catch my eye.

Occasionally I will get interested due to a film, documentary or something I have read. Crazily enough, one of my lots of research was actually a result of watching my wife play a game, which was historically based. Some of the subjects are not "academically sound" for sure, but research is research. You find something you are interested in and you find more and more stuff about it. Sometimes there is no "final end result", but when you are doing it for yourself there is no problem here at all.

Conclusion

To say that I spend most of my time doing nothing is, quite frankly, insulting. Sure I do not have a regular job like most people do, but it sure as hell does not mean that I am sitting at home doing nothing. I can tell you that is the complete opposite of what I am doing most of the time. I have blogs, I have fencing and I have research to keep me occupied. Sure I do spend some time in front of the television playing games or watching movies, but I ask this "Who doesn't?" No one works all of the time.

Sure what I do is not paid and does not fill the usual work hours, but I think that what I do fills a function. I can tell you that there would be a lot of people who would notice its absence. In fact there are. I have been told so. Indeed if I decided that I should start being completely ruthless with my time and how much it is worth I would have a lot less students than I do now, and a lot less friends too.

Before you make an assumption about what a person does or does not do and about how they do  or do not spend their time, think. Decide whether you would like the same assumption made about you. If not, don't do it. Find out what they really do, you never know you might find something and someone interesting and worthwhile.

Cheers,

Henry.

Recovery and Inspiration

Greetings,

Well, what can I say, the "crash" happened and I got hit hard. I basically was taken "out of service" for a full week and really I am not back up and running completely again. This was one of those times where the body made the statement that "You will rest." I tend to push myself to breaking point and past it often so this is the result. What can I say? In this particular case the pushing was well worth it.

I traveled to Glenworth Valley on the Easter weekend via Sydney and Gosford for one day of a week-long medieval festival which happens around Sydney each year. My purpose was to examine a Guildmaster's Prize, which is essentially the last examination for the top grade in a Western Martial Arts organisation I am a part of. It was a lot of fun, but taxing on the body. Ok, so it was not just the Prize it was the "pick-up" fights which I spent most of the weekend fighting and the traveling that really did it, but it was fun so I have no regrets.

So I mentioned "inspiration" in my title. The source, here: http://positivityinpain.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/a-letter-to-my-condition/. This is a blog written by a lady with fibromyalgia like myself, and reading it I found a little inspiration to explain a couple of things which may not be as apparent as they might be. These are some things about my life, so you will forgive the "thought-writing" process that follows.

I have had fibromyalgia now officially for about a decade or so. It has torn my life apart. It has ruined opportunities and plans which I had in place for many years. I do not doubt that it has also destroyed some friendships and also made some of my friends look at me quite differently. It causes me pain on a daily basis and makes my activity levels so random that is difficult to plan anything ahead. It causes me to be inactive for weeks on end causing me stress and feelings of uselessness. I have no doubt that some of my friends have abandoned me due to the random nature of my condition, and also due to a lack of understanding of what I go through.

My condition has placed lots of stresses on my personal life and interactions as well. I believe that I have had relationships end due to the effects of the condition and the resulting limitations of it. My wife is one of the most understanding people in the world, she understands some of what I go through. She hates my pain almost as much as I do as it limits our interactions and what we want to do. My family has always been supportive, but I suspect that they do not always understand what is going on with me and do not understand the things that I do. I hope that one day that they will.

However, my condition has also changed my life and changed the way that I view my life. I do not have a "normal" life. I do not get up in the morning and go to work. I do not even get up and look for work. I do not have work in the traditional sense. My work consists of researching pieces of history and Historical European Martial Arts in order that I can teach my students the things that I have learnt. My work consists of  going to training and teaching students the arts of the Renaissance period. My work consists of writing my blogs of which I have three, this one and two others; one is about fencing and the other is about Elizabethan language.

If I did not have FM I would be at a job every day of the week. Instead I spend my time doing things that I can and more importantly things that I love. My condition has resulted in me changing my life and focusing on the things that I can do rather than the things that I cannot. I do not doubt that without my condition I would not know my fencing as much as I do, nor would I be as skilled as I am. I would not also have students whose achievements are a source of pride.

Sure FM has closed a lot of doors and caused lots of issues, but it has also opened other doors and allowed me to experience life in a different but valuable way. Doors which have opened would not have otherwise been opened. My life is different from the "normal", this I know and accept. I live my life as it is and get as much enjoyment and fulfillment out of it as I can. Everyone should seek to do the same.

Cheers,

Henry.

Best Things I Did for My FM...

Greetings,

So, I have been adding to my blog with reasonable regularity of late. I have decided that this is just not good because I keep losing subjects in the meantime. I have thus decided that I am going to treat this blog the same way that my Fibromyalgia treats me, with complete random. No more regular blogs I am just going to write when I feel the urge or find a subject. To this, my first one is actually a little back "on track" with the original idea of the blog.

So the post is called, Best Things I Did for My FM. Most importantly these are things that I did rather than things that other people did for me. If you have this condition you need to help yourself. No one is going to do it all for you. Sure, people can help you along the way, but the real stuff you have to do yourself. This requires motivation, and it requires courage.

Ironically this is actually a list of things but I will be focusing on a couple in this one. Most obviously, I found a doctor who actually believed me that there was actually something wrong. He actually looked at my medical history and what I actually did and devised a medical plan of how to deal with things from his end. What is even better this changes depending on my needs at the time, thus the program is flexible. So find a doctor you can talk to, explain what is going on, explain what you need, and work it from there. If the doctor is good he will take in what you say and things will improve.

For some people their little eyes and ears are going to burn when I explain what another thing that I did was as it is something I have been harping on for ages. I took up fencing. This happened because I was interested in it, not because I was told to exercise. In fact I actually took up fencing before any of my symptoms actually arrived. The point here is that fencing is something which keeps you active. The simple work of fencing is even movement based. What you need to do is something aerobic.

Now, I am not saying that you should take up running marathons or something equally silly. I am saying that you should find some sort of exercise which is easy to start with. A regular walk around the block or similar is a good start. If you can find a sport which will keep you interested and motivated that is your second step. The third step is sticking with it, even when things get hard.

I will admit there are sometimes when it is easy to pike going to training or even doing stuff at training. It is at these times that you need the most motivation and courage. You need a reason to be there a goal to set yourself. Make them small to start with and allow them to get bigger as you go along. Find some good reason to go along and make an effort, even when things seem hard. This is the reason why you need something that you are interested in and not something that you are taking up because you "have to" or "need to". This is one of those times where a "want" to is more important than a "need". Needs are things that are important to us for survival, you need to eat, you need to sleep and so forth. Wants are things that make things better for you, you want a new game, you want chocolate. In this particular case you have to "want" to do the activity, not because you have to but because you want to. This want has to overpower things that may stop you from doing this thing. It needs to get past your depression, it needs to get past your pain, it needs to be more important and a reason to go and do it.

There are times when we all need down-time, this is something that I will admit. But when your down-time seems to be more important than actually doing something, this is the beginning of a slippery slope downward. There are levels of pain you should not fight past. My biggest problem is confusing it with the ones which I can, and doing stuff when I really probably shouldn't. There is a great feeling of accomplishment at the end, but boy do I pay for it. Recognise the signs and don't let your body fool you.

A lot of people think that when they are diagnosed with FM things are really in the hands of other people, doctors and the like. Well it is NOT. It is still in your hands and you can make the difference. It is your life after all it is up to you to do something with it.

Cheers,

...Henry.

Fencing and FM

Greetings,

Fencing and fibromyalgia. A person would expect that with the symptoms present in fibromyalgia it would preclude an individual from fencing. Well, I am happy to say that this is simply not the case. To tell the truth, if it was not for fencing my symptoms would be a lot worse and I would be substantially less active than I am now. Essentially this blog will go through three main sections, why fencing, benefits of fencing, and the balancing act. Each one of these will cover a different aspect with regard to fencing and FM and hopefully explain a little of my own situation. This will actually be the last of these truly introductory blogs, after this they will be on stuff which comes to mind for me on the subject.

Why fencing? Now, I have been asked that question more times than I would care to count. I have always been interested in swords and swordplay so fencing seemed to be the way to go. I actually developed the bug for fencing years before the symptoms of fibromyalgia actually manifested. There was no way that I was going to give it up. For me it is an interest area with a breadth of different subjects and points of view to look at. There is a high level of skill available to the practitioner if only they are willing to put in the work to get there. Other elements are present such as research into the various subjects and manuals which are available giving something else to do when not actually training or bouting. This is all beside the fact that I seem to have a natural talent for fencing to start with, how much talent, I will leave to other people to decide. The benefits of doing fencing, well I found out about them much later on.

The benefits gained from fencing are both physical and psychological. It essentially gives you the whole package to look at. From a purely physical point of view, and not looking at it in association with FM, it is an exercise which improves fitness and develops different skills. From the more FM point of view, it is relatively low-impact (note the word relatively) and it involves the movement and use of most of the joints in the body. The simple movements of fencing increase blood-flow to these areas of the body. It is due to this particular aspect that fencing has been a physical benefit to me. Fencing has kept my joints moving, supplying relatively regular exercise his conditioning and maintaining the condition of my joints.

The development of control is essential to fencing, this is physical control over your own actions, but also internal self-control. You need to be able to wait until the optimum moment to strike in order to be successful. The fencer who goes in like a raging bull will not do as well as the one who has self-control and reads and plans. For the person with fibromyalgia and a true passion for fencing, it also develops problem-solving abilities. When a person is stubborn enough not to let a little joint pain get in the road he tends to look at ways around this. Problems with walking or sore legs, simple fence from a chair, ask anyone who knows me about this one. I have strapped my sword to my hand in order to be able to fence because my hands were sore and weak. If there is a way around a problem, I have either suggested, tried or will give it a good think to figure it out.

There is always something to learn. The fencer who stops learning is one who is bound to get hit by the one who does not. There is physical skills to learn and to hone. There are also more intellectual pursuits to be made. The studying of Renaissance period manuals, examining techniques and finding ways to use them. The discussion of equipment and its application. There is always something to learn about fencing. The different schools of thought go with different skill-sets which can be learnt, which means that some subjects have a physical and mental aspect as well.

Achievements in fencing are great. Personal ones tend to matter to the individual more than anything anyone else will give them. I am proud of my achievements that I have made in fencing and without it I would not. Yes, I have been awarded several times for fencing within the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) a medieval and Renaissance group of which I am a member. In my case the personal achievements of getting a skill-set correct or seeing my students improve as they learn more feels more important to me. Every achievement should be noted in some form and recognised at least by yourself.

The balancing act is exactly what is involved in order to be active in fencing and achieve things. There are two aspects to be aware of, doing to much, and doing too little. From the fencing aspect it is the latter which is worse as your skills will begin to drop if you are not regularly training. In my case my FM actually gets worse if I am not fencing or doing something similarly active on a regular basis. Of course the other side is doing too much. In this particular case it involves overworking yourself resulting in physical symptoms such as fatigue and joint pain. If I have to make a choice of making the mistake of doing too little or doing too much, I will always go for the doing too much. I understand the results of doing to much, but the actual doing of this is actually so satisfying that I would rather put up with the inconvenience and pain than not fence.

I have had discussions with specialists, occupational therapists and physiotherapists, in all cases they have said that I would not be as mobile as I am now if it was not for fencing. It has in some small cases improved my condition, and in most cases maintained it at a level which I am happy to live with. Fencing has also given me the impulse to write all sorts of articles, let alone this blog. It is the real reason that I get out of bed in the morning. This particular hobby supplies my enthusiasm and motivation. In all cases when I talk to my doctor the question of "...and how will this affect my fencing?" will always come up. Fencing and FM do mix and mix quite nicely as far as I am concerned. Have a go see what you can do you may find that it has the same benefits for you, just remember it will take time.

Cheers,

Henry.