2019... An Interesting Year

Greetings,

Coming to the end of the year, I thought I would have a look back on the year at some highlights. I will be having a look at these from a neutral perspective, examining things as they were. This means that I will be acknowledging the positives and the negatives to keep things even, but in the end, I think it will turn out to be... another year completed. (Be warned this is a little long.)

Book Published

Well 2019, you have been an interesting year to say the least. There have been some ups and some downs throughout you on a personal scale, and on a broader scale. Let's see if we can do this in relatively chronological order to examine things evenly, it will also see if I can actually remember everything that happened.

I can now claim myself as an author as I have published my first book. I set up a publishing business, Sword and Book Enterprises, in late 2018 to achieve this, so the book was self-published. The book was officially published on 15 Marsh 2019, the book, Un-blogged: A Fencer's Ramblings, is available on-line from all sorts of places including Amazon and Book Depository. There are all sorts of people who helped me with this but, I cannot say "Thank you" enough to Jen Fraser, and my sister Julia Robertson, for their assistance.

On the same day as it was published I had a book launch at my place. I sent out a whole stack of invitations, via Facebook. Even had a Facebook Event set up for it. Of course, on that evening it decided to have torrential rain, so it was almost washed out. There was a small amount of people who were still able to attend and it was, a success pretty much. Hopefully, all things going according to plan, I hope to have two more books out in 2020.

Purple Challenge

Last year I was unable to participate completely in Relay for Life because my health was simply not up to it. I was very disappointed about this. So I decided that I would do something that I could do to raise funds for a good charity, hence My Purple Challenge was envisioned. The object of this was to raise funds and awareness for the Princess Alexandra Hospital Research Foundation, who does research into cancer and other areas.

The Purple Challenge, which I have spoken about before was, for the entire month of May, I would bout people for $1 per bout. The restrictions were that they had to be from a recognised fencing group, and that I had to be at the practice where they would fence me, and there was time to have the bout. In the end, I raised $100 which was more than I expected, so I rated it as a success. I will hopefully be doing a repeat of this next year, with more advertising so I can get more people involved.

Elevation

I am a member of the Society for Creative Anachronisms (SCA). Which is a world-wide organisation that recreates the Medieval and Renaissance periods. The link, above, is to the Kingdom of Lochac which is Australia and New Zealand. I have been a member of this organisation since 1992. We recreate all the good bits of this period. There is an award structure which awards various endeavours which people participate in, and the structure has various levels. The highest being the Peerage.

On 8 June I was elevated to the Order of the Laurel for fencing research and interpretation. I seem to have a pattern of having "big" moments in the SCA coinciding with wet weather, luckily on the day, the weather was "mostly" fine. The ceremony was held during a dry period of the weekend. This was recognition of about 2 decades worth of work. My prime area is Elizabethan fencing manuals, so Vincentio Saviolo (my favourite) and Giacomo di Grassi being the two prime Italianate manuals of the period. In some ways, I am still coming to terms with this recognition because this research is just "what I do".

Fencing Fest

Fencing Fest XVI was held in the beginning of August. It was, once again, a success. This is an SCA event held each year to get all of the historical fencers of the group together to share their knowledge and cross blades with one another. I started it because there was no dedicated event for this to happen. It has since been copied by various people and used to create other events.

I have been Steward (person in charge) of about a dozen Fencing Fests. They are relatively easy to run, especially when you have the right crew and support. My crew has always been amazing and very supportive. I have decided that this was my last one as Steward, as it is time for someone else to have a go and put their mark on the event. Time for me to move on to something different. Of course, I will always be around to give advice.

Swordplay 2019

I attended Swordplay for the Saturday and Sunday. I helped out a little with some stuff, but mostly spectated and caught up with friends that I do not get to see all that often. I would have been helping with safety except I was unable to. The Thursday before the event I had a liver biopsy, which meant that I was in no condition to be doing anything strenuous. I took it easy. This also meant that I missed several workshops that I wanted to attend, but the liver biopsy was substantially more important. Simply, it had to be done. It was the first time that I had attended a Swordplay with out an official role, an interesting experience.

Relay for Life

Relay for Life is rather special for me. My family has been touched by cancer more often than it probably should have. I have already mentioned that I missed out on participating in 2018. Luckily, I was able to fully participate in this year's event. Rather than walking around the track, as the other teams did, ours fenced for the time that was allocated. 17 hours of fencing, needless to say that we did not all do it at once, but had someone fencing all of the time.

This was an interesting, emotional, and fulfilling experience. It rained, and was foggy, which means there was some serious cleaning of weapons and equipment required afterward, but that also meant it kept things mostly cool which was great for fencing. I wish that I could be in as reasonable condition all of the time. I managed my energy levels by choosing my bouts, a little selfish, but worked out I think. Of course, after the event my fibromyalgia made me pay for it afterward, but I still felt it was worth the experience.

Retirement

Not long after Relay for Life, in fact the day after, I retired as the Head of the School of Historical Defense Arts (SHDA). This is something which I have probably mentioned in a post somewhere in one of my blogs, not necessarily this one. I passed on this duty to one of my students, James Wran, who I believe will do an able job of this position. This was not an easy decision to make, but was one that I had to make for my own good.

I have been Head of SHDA since the beginning some 6 years ago, and I felt it was time that someone else took over. I am not going to go into the specific reasons as it is not appropriate here. Needless to say, this is a decision that I made for my physical and mental health. The result of this has been that I am much more relaxed, and also much more focused. I am now teaching individual sessions rather than group ones, allowing better focus on the student. This is what I do better at anyway.

Letting go was a hard thing to do, but it was something that I needed to do. I still have some ties to the School as I still maintain my rank in terms of examination and obviously knowledge, and will always be around to advise should it be required. I may even be convinced to attend a class every now and then to see how things are going.

Health

Health-wise this year has been pretty good, osteoporosis has gone, the end of it much so. My respiratory specialist did not want to see me until next year, so a yearly visit. This means that my lungs are well on their way to clearing themselves up. Obviously my results from the breathing tests have been really good.

The result of the aforementioned liver biopsy was that the liver was clear, so no sarcoidosis present in it, and the fat content that was present was non-reactive. This means that the liver has gone and cleared up completely. This makes me really happy, so my methotrexate was reduced to a maintenance dose. Hopefully there will be some good news sometime in the new year that it can be removed altogether, which would appeal to me.

On the other side of things, my fibromyalgia is being its usual unpredictable, annoying self. Only time I can predict that something is going to happen with it is when I do something strenuous, then I know I am going to pay for it. Other than that, it is the usual roulette wheel of random pain annoyance.

Just to go on top of this the greatest annoyance is my neck and my left arm. The neck is pushing on some nerves which is giving the expected pain, so sore and stiff neck. This is a problem which I have been doing some exercises for and should have taken to the physio by now, so partially my fault. The left arm was thought to be connected to the neck but the nerve is being pressed on the wrong side.

I am getting nerve pain down the left arm affecting some fingers as well, have been for an extended period of time. "It is not the neck because  the nerve is pressing on the wrong side." or so I keep getting told. I think that the FM is playing silly buggers and messing up the signals, but what do I know. It is not mechanical as there is no blocking or pinching. This is a real mystery issue as the doctor has checked pretty much everything. So, looks like I am carrying this one into 2020, but all in all I am doing better than I have been.

Overall

I have not mentioned arguments. I have not mentioned fights with my wife. I have not mentioned a thousand and one annoyances, like the Australian Prime Minister being a complete d*ck, and taking the nation down paths which it should not go. These are things that I have either gotten past, forgotten about, or decided that they are issues which cannot be solved by me, at least alone. So they have not appeared in this summary of the year. I also did not mention my explorations into philosophy which have taken up quite a bit of my time and been very fulfilling. I wanted to keep things a little upbeat and focus on events, trying to end each part with a positive.

Overall, even taking into account the little annoyances, and the bigger ones, 2019 has been a pretty good year. I have made some real achievements and been recognised for others which I have been making over an extended period of time. It has been a year of changes, where I have had to make the changes in my life, rather than letting things change them for me, this has been really fulfilling and empowering. I will hold on to this power and use it in the future.

Take things as they are, without interpretation and you will find that things are not as bad as you think they are. Make the changes yourself and you will find more power than you ever realised that you had.

Onward and Upward...

Greetings,

It has been a while since I wrote anything here and the last was a little bit "doom and gloom" for my liking so I will be aiming at changing the tempo a little and lifting the things up a bit. So, there will be some updates with the way things are going, as per usual, and then I will just have to see what I end up with writing towards the end, so good luck to both of us.

News: I have specialists, most of whom do not want to see me until next year. Awesome. Renal specialist wants to keep an eye on things but is for the most part happy with the way things are going. Respiratory specialist is happy with the way things are going so does not want to see me until next year. Endocrine/Bone specialist does not want to see me for at least two years. Hepatology specialist gets seen in a couple of days time and I do not think that there will be much new news there. So the methotrexate is getting increased to combat the sarcoid in my liver... not really that much difference to tell you the truth.

As for the lower abdominal pain, it seems to be on the retreat for the most part. There was some free fluid floating around there, or so the CT Scan said, but it seems to be settling itself out. Sure, bits of pain here and there still, but hell, it is only pain and I am pretty used to that. I am thinking that at the current rate that one should be off my list in a couple of weeks. I will be taking the CT to show the Hepatology people just to keep them informed and see if they have any ideas, I am not expecting much really.

Other news: I have my first official training day for my new fencing school this weekend. As of this weekend it really is a reality. This is one of those life-long dream things happening finally for me. It is just the first step on a much longer path and I am really looking forward to it I can tell you. The big part of this will really get going early next year. I have mentioned this school previously in other posts so I will not go on with it much.... alright just a bit.

Ever since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia I have been looking for a job or something similar which would fit the random schedule which the FM tends to deal me. I figured it had to be something that I loved, but also something which could be managed around myself and my issues. "Normal" jobs just did not seem to fit the bill as it was always someone else's timetable, rather than one modified to my needs. I love my fencing, as anyone who knows me will tell you, addicted would be putting it mildly. So I figured if I could combine the "owner-operator" and "love of fencing thing" then I would be set. Looks like things are headed well in the right direction I can tell you.

I figure that the first thing a person with FM needs is something to get them out of bed in the morning. This has to be something which you love and just cannot think of a better thing to be doing. For me it is my fencing, or researching fencing, or doing something with regard to fencing. Go out and find what that thing is for you. It does not matter how small it is, or even what it is, if it gets you out of bed and makes you feel good that is a path to a better life.

Other people try and motivate us, unfortunately because they are not us they can not understand what is going on with us. It does not matter how close the person is, or even if they have the same condition, it is a personal thing. We can do our best to explain what is going on but something will always get lost in translation. So, the best place for the motivation to come from is within you. This is really the same for everyone, chronic illness or not, self-motivation is much stronger than any motivation an external source can provide. Find something that will motivate you from within and you will be surprised what you can achieve.

In my case my love of fencing motivates me and does a lot for my pain levels. I do not feel as uncomfortable, even on my worst days, when I am doing something with regard to my chosen passion. The focus required for what I do takes away from the focus on the pain, and as a result improves how I feel. Sure there are days where all I can do is research and read about it, but those are days in which I store up knowledge for the days when I can pick up my sword and do it. There are even days when I am lethargic about going to training or a tournament, once I put my armour on and pick up my sword and get going, those lethargic thoughts seem to blend away. Sure on a rough day I do not move as smoothly as I would like, and I sure pay for it afterward, but the hours with a sword in my hand are more than enough reward for me.

Find your passion, find your motivation, and go onward and upward. You may be surprised where you find yourself in the future and what you can achieve when you apply all of yourself to it. All you have to do is start.

Cheers,

Henry.

On Goals and Successes

Greetings,

The following entry in this blog is sort of a way of explanation. A couple of days ago I made a post on Facebook and Google+. I will admit that I was a little short tempered at the time and a little unimpressed. So I will present the post below and then explain a little more of what I meant with regard to that expression. The post was as follows:

Just a short bitch... On Goals and Successes
1. Figure out what you want to do.
2. Set your own goals and go toward them.
3. Do not compare your successes to others as it is not a relevant reference for *your* goals.
4. Even if these goals do not yield "real world" results your goals are just as important as peoples' goals which do.
5. Be brave enough to evaluate your own level of work truthfully as you have only one person to blame if you are not getting there.
Sorry, I just needed to get this out of my system.

As I stated, I was unimpressed at the time and now I have some time to look back at what I wrote and give a little more explanation as to what I meant by my five step plan. More to the point I can explain a little about what I have been doing with regard to my own.

1. Figure out what you want to do
We all tend to muddle through life a little at least. I suspect that even with the most focused of minds there are times where the targets are a little blurry. This step is about regaining the focus and figuring out what you want to do with yourself. This lays the foundation for the following steps, and in some ways is one of the most important steps. If you don't know what you want to do it is difficult to set goals for yourself. An important point here is that this target can be small or large, near or far. This is a personal journey.

With regard to this, this is for people who want focus. There are those of us who are quite happy to coast through life. This is fine. This is for when the coasting stops in their case. There are those of us who devote our time to other people all of our time. This is for when they decide that they want to do something for themselves, whether or not this assists others or not. As I have stated, this is a personal journey.

2. Set your own goals and work toward them.
This follows on nicely from the last one. Once you figure out where you want to be, you need to set goals in order to get there. You need short-term goals and long-term goals. Once you have the goals you need to work toward them. Seems relatively simple really, however this can be tricky. If all the goals are long-distance or long-term it will be difficult to see how to get there. Remember that you also need short-term goals as well.

The second part of this is can be a difficult thing. People can set goals but if they do nothing afterward they should not be surprised that they cannot get there. Being a personal journey these goals should not be dependent on other people only ourselves. These are goals for yourself. Do not hinge them on the success of someone else, only your own successes. You need to work toward the goals.

3. Do not compare your successes to others as it is not a relevant reference for your goals.
Even when you are on a similar path, comparing your successes to another's is irrelevant. So a person achieves a goal that you were going for, this does not mean that you should not also go toward it still. So a fellow student out-performs you, this does not reference your goals as theirs are not yours. Your goals are yours to achieve, you are the only person who is relevant in achieving them.

Even more importantly, your goals may be smaller than their goals. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You do what you can. If your goals are small, there will be more of them. It is important that these small goals build to a bigger goal. You need to achieve your goals for yourself.

4. Even if these goals do not yield "real world" results your goals are just as important as people's goals which do.
Everyone likes to hear of goals which are achieved. We hear them on the news, "Professor Smith has found a cure to a disease.", "Joe Blogs has won gold at the Olympics" and so forth. I do not expect that any of the goals which I have achieved or will achieve will ever be noticed in this form. This does not bother me in the least.

Goals which get "real world" acclaim are important, but it does not mean that all goals need to be like this. Every goal is important at least at a personal level for the individual who achieves them. This success is more important than any amount of acclaim which a person gets from the outside. I suppose I need to give a little bit of personal detail here.

I have now been fencing in some form for 20 years. This is an achievement in itself. I have been doing Renaissance martial arts for almost as long with a medieval and Renaissance recreation society for almost as long. In that time I have risen to the top levels in that society. This is an achievement which took at least 10 years out of that 20 year stretch. I have been teaching Renaissance martial arts for some time as well and have had students also raise themselves to the high levels with my assistance. In the "real world" this does not mean much, but it is an achievement that I am proud of. These are my goals, they are important to me, and that is all they need to be important to.

5. Be brave enough to evaluate your own level of work truthfully as you have only one person to blame if you are not getting there.
Self-evaluation is important and is also one of the hardest things. Step 5 is all about being truthful about the amount of work you have put in in order to get your goals. This is about not blaming others for your own lack of success. The only person who can achieve your goals is you, and thus you are the only person who can put in the work to get there.

We need to evaluate our own progress toward our goals and find the reasons for why we are not getting there. In some instances it is because the goal is too far to evaluate the success. In some instances it is because the goal is a bit too big for what we are capable at that point in time. In some instances circumstances have made the situation not appropriate for that goal at that point in time. However we also have to admit that sometimes it is because we have not put in as much work as we should have. In all these instances we have to be honest and find out the real reasons.

Most Important
Most important of all, they are your goals, you have to set them, and you have to work toward them. This is one of those times where people can help you toward your goal but the work is going to have to primarily be done by you. Be honest in your evaluation of your goals and also your efforts toward your goals. Both of these are important.

Cheers,

Henry.

Doing Stuff

Greetings Readers,

So, the title of this one is really specific... NOT. This one is about how I deal with my condition in general and some ideas about the implementation of some of the other stuff which I have already spoken about previously. You will have to excuse the format a little as I am going to do this all off the top of my head while the ideas are flowing.

First thing about doing stuff is that it is important. It is important that you find things to do. Do not expect other people to find things for you to do, though they will in some cases. You need to find something that you want to do that is going to motivate you. This needs to be something that you are interested in and something that you are not easily distracted from. In my case I have two things, writing and fencing, or as Miyamoto Musashi would put it "the art of the pen and sword". The two work really well together.

I have all sorts of projects on the run. Some of these are for the benefit of others in the long run and some of them I am doing because I am simply interested in doing them. I will admit even the ones which are for others I do because I am also interested in them. What is really neat is when I can link on to the other.

Blogs, I have three. I have this one, I have one on fencing (http://afencersramblings.blogspot.com.au/), and I have one on Elizabethan English (http://oldewordes.blogspot.com.au/). These are designed to encourage me to write. This blog is the most personal one of the lot. The other two are more formal, though the most formal one is the Elizabethan English, for the most part. The blogs cover three different subjects and I try to make regular posts on all of them. As can be seen this ties in with my fencing... and even more than you would realise.

To be more specific I study Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) rather than modern sport fencing. This means the instructions which I read, and techniques which result from this, come from manuals from the medieval and Renaissance period. Thus rather than a foil, epee, or sabre, my primary weapon is a rapier, though I have been investigating a bit of longsword here and there. I have found this pursuit, which I started some 20 years ago, has assisted in keeping me motivated, and more to the point my FM more under control. This is because it is movement and has me being motivated relied upon it. I have fought from a chair when my legs were giving me trouble due to the FM, this is either the definition of motivation or being too stubborn for my own good.

My interest in the English of the Elizabethan period should be a little obvious, aside from the fact that I am a history nut and enjoy reading about history, more focused on medieval and Renaissance more recently. I have one particular manual which I have been studying for quite some time, Vincentio Saviolo's "His Practice in Two Books" (http://www.umass.edu/renaissance/lord/pdfs/Saviolo_1595.pdf). No surprise it was published in 1595 and thus written in Elizabethan English. I am studying Elizabethan English in effect so I can understand the language better in order to decipher this manual better in order to be able to perform it better.

I have found that staying active in some form allows me to better cope with my FM and my level of fitness and health as been at least maintained, if not improved, because of this activity. Sure there are days when fencing is out, so I tend to do more research. Sure there are days when both are out, and that is time to rest.  Rest is something which we all need. The point is that when it is available, and you can,  you should do something with yourself, I have no doubts that this will make you feel better about yourself at least if not improve your condition.

Hey, I am not claiming that my approach works for everyone, nor am I claiming that this is some miracle cure, what I am saying is that you should give it a go and see how it goes. The feeling of accomplishment, no matter how small is an awesome feeling and it can only be good for you. Your mental state is important and constructive things which you can do to improve it can only be good.

Cheers,

Henry.

Best Things I Did for My FM...

Greetings,

So, I have been adding to my blog with reasonable regularity of late. I have decided that this is just not good because I keep losing subjects in the meantime. I have thus decided that I am going to treat this blog the same way that my Fibromyalgia treats me, with complete random. No more regular blogs I am just going to write when I feel the urge or find a subject. To this, my first one is actually a little back "on track" with the original idea of the blog.

So the post is called, Best Things I Did for My FM. Most importantly these are things that I did rather than things that other people did for me. If you have this condition you need to help yourself. No one is going to do it all for you. Sure, people can help you along the way, but the real stuff you have to do yourself. This requires motivation, and it requires courage.

Ironically this is actually a list of things but I will be focusing on a couple in this one. Most obviously, I found a doctor who actually believed me that there was actually something wrong. He actually looked at my medical history and what I actually did and devised a medical plan of how to deal with things from his end. What is even better this changes depending on my needs at the time, thus the program is flexible. So find a doctor you can talk to, explain what is going on, explain what you need, and work it from there. If the doctor is good he will take in what you say and things will improve.

For some people their little eyes and ears are going to burn when I explain what another thing that I did was as it is something I have been harping on for ages. I took up fencing. This happened because I was interested in it, not because I was told to exercise. In fact I actually took up fencing before any of my symptoms actually arrived. The point here is that fencing is something which keeps you active. The simple work of fencing is even movement based. What you need to do is something aerobic.

Now, I am not saying that you should take up running marathons or something equally silly. I am saying that you should find some sort of exercise which is easy to start with. A regular walk around the block or similar is a good start. If you can find a sport which will keep you interested and motivated that is your second step. The third step is sticking with it, even when things get hard.

I will admit there are sometimes when it is easy to pike going to training or even doing stuff at training. It is at these times that you need the most motivation and courage. You need a reason to be there a goal to set yourself. Make them small to start with and allow them to get bigger as you go along. Find some good reason to go along and make an effort, even when things seem hard. This is the reason why you need something that you are interested in and not something that you are taking up because you "have to" or "need to". This is one of those times where a "want" to is more important than a "need". Needs are things that are important to us for survival, you need to eat, you need to sleep and so forth. Wants are things that make things better for you, you want a new game, you want chocolate. In this particular case you have to "want" to do the activity, not because you have to but because you want to. This want has to overpower things that may stop you from doing this thing. It needs to get past your depression, it needs to get past your pain, it needs to be more important and a reason to go and do it.

There are times when we all need down-time, this is something that I will admit. But when your down-time seems to be more important than actually doing something, this is the beginning of a slippery slope downward. There are levels of pain you should not fight past. My biggest problem is confusing it with the ones which I can, and doing stuff when I really probably shouldn't. There is a great feeling of accomplishment at the end, but boy do I pay for it. Recognise the signs and don't let your body fool you.

A lot of people think that when they are diagnosed with FM things are really in the hands of other people, doctors and the like. Well it is NOT. It is still in your hands and you can make the difference. It is your life after all it is up to you to do something with it.

Cheers,

...Henry.