The List: I am here.

Greetings,

So people often ask me how I am doing and what's going on with my health. I usually give the short answer that "I am fine." or that "I am doing OK." For the most part, at that point in time when they ask it is mostly the truth. I don't usually tell all of the truth because it would take too long and would feel too much like complaining in my books and I just don't like doing that. I tell people for empathy not sympathy, I tell people for explanation of what's going on and not much more.

Just for a change I figure I will give some detail as to what's going on with me and give "the list" of various bits and pieces which are going on with me at the moment, and I would not be surprised if I have missed some in the process of making this list. What will be noted is that some of these issues are a daily issue for me and some of them are just irritations which emerge to annoy me every now and then.

1. Fibromyalgia (FM)
No surprises here. I would not be writing this blog if it was not for this condition. It is the one which causes the most issues most of the time. All of the issues impact upon this one and this one impacts upon all of the others. If it relates to pain it can be related back to FM either making it worse or better, usually worse.

2. Sarcoidosis
Update: As of late 2019 this is gone. No presence of it found in my liver as of last scan. Lungs seem to be relatively clear as well.

3. Osteoporosis
Update: As of late 2019 this is gone. The last Body Mass Density Scan said everything is back to normal.

4. Adrenal Suppression
Our good friend prednisone also caused adrenal suppression meaning that my adrenal glands are a little slow to respond to infections. The other symptoms of this one are tiredness, abdominal pain, low blood sugar and other irritations.

5. Coccydynia
"Tailbone" pain. Seems that somewhere in my exciting childhood I did some damage to my coccyx. The result is that I have issues with sitting for an extended period of time, and also rising from a seated position. There are lots of nerves which are connected to this area.

Update: after waiting on the public health system for a period of time, I finally got a coccygectomy, i.e. they removed the offending broken tailbone on 8 September 2022. I am gradually improving, some of the tailbone pain remains, but nerves are finickity things in their healing process. I am optimistic that I will eventually be able to wipe this one out as well.

6. Neck (c5-c7)
This one is a real issue as I get numbness in my fingers on both sides, though for some reason my left is definitely worse than my right. The pressure here seems to be sitting on a nerve connected to my elbow, which is not helpful, though the scans say that it should be affecting my right not my left. Probably the FM screwing things up again.

7. Gastro Oesophageal reflux disease (GORD) and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
Lots of fun with eating and digesting of foods. I have been on various different diets to attempt to improve the situation with these two, they help mildly but not so much as how much I enjoy eating what I like. The IBS is also very much connected to FM as well which is not very helpful. The GORD is also related to stress, and with this list there is no surprise that I have a little issue with stress. Not to mention that FM causes issues with swallowing.

8. OSA (Obstructive Sleep Apnoea) and CSA (Central Sleep Apnoea)
Most people will be familiar with OSA where the soft palate of the mouth obstructs the breathing passage causing the person to stop breathing, and also causing snoring. CSA is a little more interesting, in this case the lungs just decide that they are not going to work and just simply stop working. The normal CPAP machine will not help with CSA, thus I have a special machine to deal with it which has variable pressure.

9. Plantar Facitis
Seems that I have been walking too much. So now I have special inner-soles for my shoes to stop my feet hurting so much because I won't stop walking. Besides it is my main mode of transport.

10. Peripheral Neuropathy
Another reason for my feet to hurt, I have almost no doubt that this has been caused by the FM indirectly or by my Neck or some other similar nerve-effect. In any case the feet are irritatingly sore and usually for no reason.

11. Migraine
These are finally under control thanks to various medications. I am very diligent in taking the medications which control these because I sure know when I don't.

12. Bone spur in Achilles' tendons
Picked up on an ultrasound when looking for something else, these only really cause me an issue when I have been on my feet for ages. Or when I have been doing lots.

13. Marfans Syndrome
This has given me some physical symptoms, mainly I have hyper-mobility through my joints, which is no help with the FM, and I seem to be still growing. Luckily I do not have any of the heart issues which seem to go along with this condition. The real issue is that I suspect that this diagnosis covered many of my FM symptoms when I was seeking a diagnosis.

14. Arthritis in thoracic spine
I have a little arthritis in my thoracic spine, my lumbar spine is in great condition. This has been causing some chest pains of late which is really annoying.

15. Asthma
The asthma has more or less disappeared. The only time that it ever appears is if I get a chest infection. Once that is cleared the asthma disappears with it so this is really a non-issue. I have not used a puffer in years.

16. Depression
With no great surprise I have some depression. This stems mainly from the chronic pain which I suffer from, but also other issues which are mainly to do with the various conditions which are listed above. It is usually the complications as a result of the conditions which cause the depression. I am not one to complain so I put on a happy face and go on with my life. I am not the sort of person to go into a hole and wallow in my pain and unhappiness of my lot.

The question must be asked as to why I have published this list of issues and mentioned how they affect me. I have done this because people have struggles which we do not know about. Most of the time they are hidden from the world because it is "not the done thing" to present them to the world because the individual seems like they are complaining.

The "R U OK?" Day is one day out of 365 where the question is asked and it is almost a rhetorical question because while people are somewhat encouraged to tell what's going on there is no more. I publish this list to say that "No, I am not OK." and I am fine with this. I have my struggles and I will continue to fight them. I have days where I find things incredibly hard. I have days where I wonder if it would not be just easier for me to just stop... everything. The thing is that I know that there are people out there who support me and who will help me through my trials and tribulations.

I will stand with all of those who are not OK. I will stand with those who are finding it hard. I will stand with all of those who are tested every day of their lives. I will stand with them and say that: I understand that it is hard, I know that you have your good days and your bad. Learn from the bad days; live for and remember the good days. To those who I call family and friends, know that I am here.

Cheers,

Henry.

Eclipsed?

Greetings,

The question of goals and successes I have spoken on previously. This more article more points at perceptions of success and how we see them, but also how others see them. This article is pointed at those of us who feel that we have been eclipsed in some way be it in social circles, work or other fields of endeavour.

Have you ever felt eclipsed, like someone was out there taking what should be your glory? Have you ever felt like you have been pushed back into the shadows because someone else is more important than you? Have you felt like that you are not the major person with regard to a topic, and that everyone else's achievements are bigger and more important? Everyone has, you are not alone. This can happen in work, in our private lives, in our work and even in our relationships. It is what you do about it which is important.

First, you need to look at the situation with a critical eye, especially toward yourself. If you can not look at yourself honestly then this process will fail. You need to look at yourself and your achievements honestly. You also need to look at the reason for your achievements and efforts as well as this is also important.

So someone is put ahead of you. Is there a reason for this? Have you put in the same level of effort as the person concerned? If not then this is the first place you should look. Have you really put your heart into what you are doing or are you just doing this because it is expected? This is a question we must look at carefully the expectations other people build must not be more important than our own. Your own goals will always have more strength than the expectations of others, and you will always put more effort into your own goals over other's goals which have been set for you.

Sometimes it feels that we have no choice in what we are doing. The truth is that there is always choice but we just might not like the choices which have been presented to us. This can be especially so with regard to work. If your work is not fulfilling, my suggestion is to find fulfillment in something more social or recreational.  There is always somewhere we can find lasting fulfillment, it is simply a matter of finding it.

When you do something you have chosen to do for yourself, not something which has been thrust upon you or expected of you, you will gain more satisfaction in its completion. In many situations this is the only thing that you will get from your efforts as personal goals are just that, personal. The important thing here is that it is your own goal, your own struggle, your own achievement, nothing for anyone to say anything about. Where there are other participants things can become more complicated.

We always compare ourselves against others, either consciously or unconsciously, and regardless we always want to be equal or better than others. This becomes more the case where a particular achievement requires the participation of others. These others can be hurdles to what we want, or they can be seen as fellow participants and a challenge to overcome. Learn what you can from other participants, it can only improve what you are doing in some way.

Most important for ourselves. We need to find things to do that we enjoy, regardless of the other's thoughts. These things need to be constructive rather than destructive in their nature. We need to find things that we want to do and not because someone else said we should or are required to do. We need to find things which we are good at or are willing to put in the work to become good at. We need to find things which we can actually do, there is no point in finding things where the goals are unreachable, thus setting ourselves up for failure. In this we need to be realistic. We need to find things which we want to do, there is no need to fill other's expectations, unless we want to, it is your life live it the way you think best. Most important and above all things...

BE YOURSELF.

Cheers,

Henry.

On Goals and Successes

Greetings,

The following entry in this blog is sort of a way of explanation. A couple of days ago I made a post on Facebook and Google+. I will admit that I was a little short tempered at the time and a little unimpressed. So I will present the post below and then explain a little more of what I meant with regard to that expression. The post was as follows:

Just a short bitch... On Goals and Successes
1. Figure out what you want to do.
2. Set your own goals and go toward them.
3. Do not compare your successes to others as it is not a relevant reference for *your* goals.
4. Even if these goals do not yield "real world" results your goals are just as important as peoples' goals which do.
5. Be brave enough to evaluate your own level of work truthfully as you have only one person to blame if you are not getting there.
Sorry, I just needed to get this out of my system.

As I stated, I was unimpressed at the time and now I have some time to look back at what I wrote and give a little more explanation as to what I meant by my five step plan. More to the point I can explain a little about what I have been doing with regard to my own.

1. Figure out what you want to do
We all tend to muddle through life a little at least. I suspect that even with the most focused of minds there are times where the targets are a little blurry. This step is about regaining the focus and figuring out what you want to do with yourself. This lays the foundation for the following steps, and in some ways is one of the most important steps. If you don't know what you want to do it is difficult to set goals for yourself. An important point here is that this target can be small or large, near or far. This is a personal journey.

With regard to this, this is for people who want focus. There are those of us who are quite happy to coast through life. This is fine. This is for when the coasting stops in their case. There are those of us who devote our time to other people all of our time. This is for when they decide that they want to do something for themselves, whether or not this assists others or not. As I have stated, this is a personal journey.

2. Set your own goals and work toward them.
This follows on nicely from the last one. Once you figure out where you want to be, you need to set goals in order to get there. You need short-term goals and long-term goals. Once you have the goals you need to work toward them. Seems relatively simple really, however this can be tricky. If all the goals are long-distance or long-term it will be difficult to see how to get there. Remember that you also need short-term goals as well.

The second part of this is can be a difficult thing. People can set goals but if they do nothing afterward they should not be surprised that they cannot get there. Being a personal journey these goals should not be dependent on other people only ourselves. These are goals for yourself. Do not hinge them on the success of someone else, only your own successes. You need to work toward the goals.

3. Do not compare your successes to others as it is not a relevant reference for your goals.
Even when you are on a similar path, comparing your successes to another's is irrelevant. So a person achieves a goal that you were going for, this does not mean that you should not also go toward it still. So a fellow student out-performs you, this does not reference your goals as theirs are not yours. Your goals are yours to achieve, you are the only person who is relevant in achieving them.

Even more importantly, your goals may be smaller than their goals. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You do what you can. If your goals are small, there will be more of them. It is important that these small goals build to a bigger goal. You need to achieve your goals for yourself.

4. Even if these goals do not yield "real world" results your goals are just as important as people's goals which do.
Everyone likes to hear of goals which are achieved. We hear them on the news, "Professor Smith has found a cure to a disease.", "Joe Blogs has won gold at the Olympics" and so forth. I do not expect that any of the goals which I have achieved or will achieve will ever be noticed in this form. This does not bother me in the least.

Goals which get "real world" acclaim are important, but it does not mean that all goals need to be like this. Every goal is important at least at a personal level for the individual who achieves them. This success is more important than any amount of acclaim which a person gets from the outside. I suppose I need to give a little bit of personal detail here.

I have now been fencing in some form for 20 years. This is an achievement in itself. I have been doing Renaissance martial arts for almost as long with a medieval and Renaissance recreation society for almost as long. In that time I have risen to the top levels in that society. This is an achievement which took at least 10 years out of that 20 year stretch. I have been teaching Renaissance martial arts for some time as well and have had students also raise themselves to the high levels with my assistance. In the "real world" this does not mean much, but it is an achievement that I am proud of. These are my goals, they are important to me, and that is all they need to be important to.

5. Be brave enough to evaluate your own level of work truthfully as you have only one person to blame if you are not getting there.
Self-evaluation is important and is also one of the hardest things. Step 5 is all about being truthful about the amount of work you have put in in order to get your goals. This is about not blaming others for your own lack of success. The only person who can achieve your goals is you, and thus you are the only person who can put in the work to get there.

We need to evaluate our own progress toward our goals and find the reasons for why we are not getting there. In some instances it is because the goal is too far to evaluate the success. In some instances it is because the goal is a bit too big for what we are capable at that point in time. In some instances circumstances have made the situation not appropriate for that goal at that point in time. However we also have to admit that sometimes it is because we have not put in as much work as we should have. In all these instances we have to be honest and find out the real reasons.

Most Important
Most important of all, they are your goals, you have to set them, and you have to work toward them. This is one of those times where people can help you toward your goal but the work is going to have to primarily be done by you. Be honest in your evaluation of your goals and also your efforts toward your goals. Both of these are important.

Cheers,

Henry.