Eclipsed?

Greetings,

The question of goals and successes I have spoken on previously. This more article more points at perceptions of success and how we see them, but also how others see them. This article is pointed at those of us who feel that we have been eclipsed in some way be it in social circles, work or other fields of endeavour.

Have you ever felt eclipsed, like someone was out there taking what should be your glory? Have you ever felt like you have been pushed back into the shadows because someone else is more important than you? Have you felt like that you are not the major person with regard to a topic, and that everyone else's achievements are bigger and more important? Everyone has, you are not alone. This can happen in work, in our private lives, in our work and even in our relationships. It is what you do about it which is important.

First, you need to look at the situation with a critical eye, especially toward yourself. If you can not look at yourself honestly then this process will fail. You need to look at yourself and your achievements honestly. You also need to look at the reason for your achievements and efforts as well as this is also important.

So someone is put ahead of you. Is there a reason for this? Have you put in the same level of effort as the person concerned? If not then this is the first place you should look. Have you really put your heart into what you are doing or are you just doing this because it is expected? This is a question we must look at carefully the expectations other people build must not be more important than our own. Your own goals will always have more strength than the expectations of others, and you will always put more effort into your own goals over other's goals which have been set for you.

Sometimes it feels that we have no choice in what we are doing. The truth is that there is always choice but we just might not like the choices which have been presented to us. This can be especially so with regard to work. If your work is not fulfilling, my suggestion is to find fulfillment in something more social or recreational.  There is always somewhere we can find lasting fulfillment, it is simply a matter of finding it.

When you do something you have chosen to do for yourself, not something which has been thrust upon you or expected of you, you will gain more satisfaction in its completion. In many situations this is the only thing that you will get from your efforts as personal goals are just that, personal. The important thing here is that it is your own goal, your own struggle, your own achievement, nothing for anyone to say anything about. Where there are other participants things can become more complicated.

We always compare ourselves against others, either consciously or unconsciously, and regardless we always want to be equal or better than others. This becomes more the case where a particular achievement requires the participation of others. These others can be hurdles to what we want, or they can be seen as fellow participants and a challenge to overcome. Learn what you can from other participants, it can only improve what you are doing in some way.

Most important for ourselves. We need to find things to do that we enjoy, regardless of the other's thoughts. These things need to be constructive rather than destructive in their nature. We need to find things that we want to do and not because someone else said we should or are required to do. We need to find things which we are good at or are willing to put in the work to become good at. We need to find things which we can actually do, there is no point in finding things where the goals are unreachable, thus setting ourselves up for failure. In this we need to be realistic. We need to find things which we want to do, there is no need to fill other's expectations, unless we want to, it is your life live it the way you think best. Most important and above all things...

BE YOURSELF.

Cheers,

Henry.