You Know You Have Chronic Pain When...

Greetings,

This is one of those "list" things that I am going to come back and add to as I come up with more of them. I may or may not date them as I go. So far the list looks like this...

You know you have Chronic Pain when:

1) Your medication never decreases it only increases.
2) Your pain medication collection rivals some drug dealers.
3) Your pain medication makes drugs off the street look soft.
4) When the doctor asks you to colour in the figure to show where it hurts, you circle it.
5) You giggle quietly under your breath when Panadol and Nurofen ads talk about "stong pain".
6) Your day is measured in milligrams rather than minutes.
7) The difference between a "good" day and a "bad" day is your level of consciousness.
8) The choice between one effective painkiller and another is how long you will be unconscious for.
9) A "zero pain" day is usually a "zero consciousness" day.
10) What you will do today, depends on how much you can afford to pay for it tomorrow.

Cheers,

Henry.

The Good and the Bad...

Greetings,

I have digressed to many different subjects over the past couple of years, but finally I have a post which is back "on point". So when to and had my BMD (Body Mineral Density) scan, and then trotted off to see the specialist, as expected a year on Prednisone has made my osteoporosis worse. So, time to be a little careful. As a result I had the choice of getting some pills to take on a regular basis to improve things or get an infusion which would last me two years.

Think now people... pills need to remember to take... infusion is already in the system... good old fibromyalgia "brain fog" has been playing hell of late. No real choice for me really. So, that is the good side of things. The bones will improve and I don't have to worry about it for two years.

What's the catch? "Flu-like symptoms and some joint pain." No worries right? Joint pain is a part of "normal" life for those with FM, and "flu-like symptoms"? What? A bit of a temperature? No worries. Boy, was I wrong. As I am sitting here writing, my head is aching like I have had the worst sleep and worst hangover ever, all my joints are singing that tune that I know so well and hate, and I feel like I am going to turn into Ghost Rider any minute as I am cooking behind my skin.

There are some things that we should all take out of this...
Stay away from Prednisone unless the doctor says you really need it.
Get your flu-shot every year because this feeling sucks
Finally, I do not regret getting the infusion because it is going to be worth it in the end.

On that note, I am off to go find something cold to drink and to sit in my recliner and find something good to watch until my friend comes over. Oh, yeah, forgot no Panadol or equivalents for me as the sarcoidosis is still in the liver, which makes getting my temperature down "interesting". Stay strong my readers, look after yourselves, and remember you only get one chance at this, you might as well enjoy what you have.

Cheers,

Henry.

Where has "The Dream" Gone?

Greetings,

Of late I have had a lot of time to think. I have been a member, paid and unpaid, of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) now since 1992. This means I have been interacting with various parts of this organisation for some time. I have seen some of the great parts about it, and I have also seen some of the not so great parts about it. Problem at the moment is the latter seems to be overshadowing the former of late, and I am losing my faith in the SCA and seriously asking myself whether or not it is time to move on.

This is a post which has been sitting around waiting to be written for a long time, though it was a symptom of a year of some severe loses and resulting impacts on my life. The more I think about it, I think that these elements have only served to highlight what my usually positive attitude has been hiding for a long time. As I have stated I am a long-standing member of the SCA, I have participated in all three forms of combat in some part, and excelled in rapier combat. I have accrued various titles as a result of my interactions with others and also dedication to what I had chosen to do. I am not going to go into any detail here as I do not think that there is any point, this is mere background.

For me at the moment, the fantasy is gone. Titles and awards to me have begun to mean nothing to me so I strive only to do those things which are of interest to me, or which will assist those friends which I have within various groups. This has resulted in a loss of excitement. I used to get excited about the next event I would be going to and would go out of my way to go to as many as I could. Now I only attend those which I really feel like going to or those which I have been asked to attend.

During my time in the SCA I have gained quite a bit of skill in the art of rapier combat, as a result I have won quite a few tournaments in my time. I used to be really enthusiastic about the prospect of a tournament and the chance to show off my skill and come out on top, now not so much. These victories do not hold the enticement they once had.

The Society itself has changed, within the groups it can be seen that the high ideals that used to be expressed by its members in word and deed both on and off the field seem to be diminished. The importance of Courtesy and Chivalry both on and off the field of battle seems to have been lost somewhere in the importance of titles and making a good impression on those with supposed power within the groups. Politics is invading all parts of the Society, there is nowhere to hide. I have had some friends who have been lost and others who have reduced their contact due to politics, and indeed problems can result by the mere association with people of the "wrong" character. The determination being up to another group of people. The result of this is that the openness of groups that I once experienced seems to have disappeared and now it is difficult to find common ground with many people, even though we are all playing the same game.

The Society, at least in Australia, has become a victim of its own success and circumstances. As research in subjects and knowledge has grown, so too has the expectation of the performance and dress of its members. It would seem that gone are the days where a person would be accepted turning up in a t-tunic and jeans, just as much as the person who researches every element of their attire. Research expectations have also grown, if every element is not researched, it can almost be expected that someone will criticise the work which has been done, or not done as the case may be. In this there is no encouragement and direction for further research mere criticism of the work which has been done. What is the most concerning about these standards is that such standards are even put upon newcomers and this quite frequently scares them away, the leeway of time to get established is gone, the expectations have replaced it.

Conservatism has invaded the groups in action and in the dress of individuals. These outside aspects, more appropriate to a Victorian recreation group have found themselves present in this medieval and Renaissance group. Along with this has gone the sense of humour and sense of fun. Many of the individuals take things much too seriously and have forgotten the humorous and cheeky elements which were always present in the past.

So with all of these elements present the question which has to be put is; is it time to move on? The question that follows is where to? HEMA? I have already referred to my new School the School of Historical Defense Arts (SHDA) as my "retirement" plan. It covers all of the elements of research and combat which I enjoy without the other elements which I so dislike. Or should I keep fighting and hope that things improve? There are still people in the SCA with whom I am still good friends, and events which I attend which I do still enjoy.

I think at this stage that a partial movement away, while maintaining some contact is the best way at the moment. I will stay involved with the SCA and attend those events which I choose to, and be with those people who I like to be with and see how it goes. I hope that sometime in the future the SCA gains some of what it has lost and that my faith is restored, as I believe it would be a sorry day for me to move completely away and leave all of those people who I still call true friends behind.

Cheers,

Henry.

Probably a Winter Thing...

Greetings,

Sorry, it has been so long since I have posted. More to the point, sorry it has been so long since I have had any real inspirations about fibromyalgia (FM). This one just came to me as I was off to the chemist again today.

Now this is probably a winter thing, but I have noticed that every winter my medication for takes a jump up. I am not just talking pain-killers, be they short-term or regularly taken, I am talking the whole lot of them. Seems that the cold and the general changeable weather really gets to me, so every winter at the beginning, off I go to the doctor and we increase the level of medications to my "toleration" point.

I could feasibly take more, but that would impinge on my research and other activities which I like, so instead I take enough to take the edge off so I can function reasonably. This is a discussion the doctor and I had and have had many times. Yes, more medication would make me have less pain but I would have less control of my functions and that would annoy me, which would be worse than the pain in my books, so the negotiations continue.

The other thing that I have noticed, and this is one that I am very wary of, that is that the medications only increase, they never decrease. This means at some stage the body gets to used to them and thus requires more. In essence it means that certain drugs become less and less useful. We all need to be careful of this one. No one wants to get to a stage where nothing works, or the medications required to do anything are so extreme that they are excessively hard to get. Thus I only increase my medications when I have to. Of course being a stubborn sod, sometimes that hint needs to come from others.

Anyway, I suppose the point here is that we all should keep and eye on how much of what we are putting in and just how effective it really is. Like I said it is probably only because it is winter here in Australia and I am noticing it more, does not mean that it is less important.

Cheers,

Henry.

The Green-Eyed Monster

Greetings,

*RANT WARNING* Read at your own risk. *RANT WARNING*

I know that there are certain people out there who are jealous of me due to what I have achieved and what I am currently doing. I have my dream job, and hopefully in the not too distant future I will have bought my own home, possibly without even having to worry about a mortgage. These two things, I know, are going to irritate people. I have two words for these people STIFF S#*T.

Let me fill in some details which will put these two aspects of my life in some perspective for these small people. I will start with the owning my own home and the various things that I will be buying and money I will be spending on myself and my lovely wife over the next months. I have received this money through the deaths of both of my parents over the past years, and quite frankly I would rather have them both back than have the money. So, I am doing my best to use this money in a fashion that would make them proud and improves my life.

With regards to my dream job as a fencing instructor, which I hope one of these days will actually start paying me money to really live on, I have now been fencing for more than two decades. It disturbs me a little when I say that, but it is true. I have also been teaching and researching for most of that time as well. Evidence for this can be found in my own fencing blog, various articles posted in various places, and the existence of my new fencing school. Contrary to many popular opinions, this has not been an easy road, and not one that I cruised down with ease.

There were hard choices to be made in the beginning. First of all, I could have chosen to study something that could have made me money much more easily, or choose to do what I did and choose to study history. I could probably have chosen something for which I could have had a well-paying job at the end of it with no worries, but my passions over-rode this. This laid the foundation for my method of research and a level of requirement for evidence.

Second choice, I could have stuck with sport fencing and done quite well. I had a certain innate talent, and I seemed to be built for it. Once again, I followed my passion for history, also there seemed to be something missing in sport fencing that research in to historical weapons and their use had. This laid the foundation for my direction, and for the most part, my weapon preference.

So, you take these two choices, add some time, research, and complications, and this is where I am now. I have gone back and looked at previous research and re-done, and re-written. I can tell you, I hate editing my own work. The thing here is that this has all taken time and effort on my part, so unless the same time and effort is taken, well no real judgement can be made. I made the choices, I accept the consequences of those choices, that is what being an adult means. No, it has not been an easy path, but that was not the choice that I made.

Having said all of this, I can in no way say that I did it all on my own. There have been some significant people in my life who have helped me through my various trials and tribulations to get me to where I am. I am not going to name names here as I know that I will miss someone and, quite frankly that would be awful, and embarrassing. You know who you are and you have my thanks.

If you have made it this far, I make only one request of you. Do not look at other's achievements, look at how they got to where they are. It makes for a much more interesting story, and you may discover some things about yourself along the way. If you see someone and begin to feel the pangs of jealousy growing within yourself, look inward for the answers not outward, see how you can better yourself, not bring others down.

Cheers,

Henry.